Let’s get right to it.
This shelter in place deal stinks. We are social creatures forced to behave in an antisocial way. It stinks. I can pet my neighbor’s dog but can’t shake hands with said neighbor. I’m washing hands so often I will never sing, “Happy Birthday,” again.
One of the ways to cope is fantasy. This morning I fantasized that it wasn’t a Sunday in COVID-19 March, rather a Sunday in vaccine October. NFL season. Glorious NFL season.
Which team will be the most fun to watch:
The Arizona Cardinals, with Kyler Murray throwing to DeAndre Hopkins, Christian Kirk, Larry Fitzgerald and a tight end to be named later?
Or, the Tampa Bay Buccaneers with Tom Brady throwing to Mike Evans, Chris Godwin and O.J. Howard?
In fact, I’m willing to purchase a separate NFL South Division RedZone so I can see Matt Ryan throwing to Julio Jones, Calvin Ridley, Todd Gurley II and TE Hayden Hurst, and Drew Brees throwing to Michael Thomas, Emmanuel Sanders and Alvin Kamara?
Or Patrick Mahomes throwing to Tyreke Hill, Sammy Watkins, Mercole Hardman, Travis Kelce and Damien Williams.
Or Jarrett Stidham or Brian Hoyer throwing to tripled teamed Julian Edelman? (I’ve waited almost two decades for this)!
Or Dak Prescott throwing to Amari Cooper, Michael Gallup and Zeke Elliott?
Or Mitch Trubisky throwing to the yard marker? Or is that Nick Foles?
Or, don’t dismiss this one, Phillip Rivers throwing to T.Y. Hilton, Zach Pascal, Parris Campbell and tight end Jack Doyle?
Or, Deshaun Watson throwing to? It’s not fair. It’s just not fair.
Or Josh Allen hopefully throwing to Stefan Diggs, John Brown, Cole Beasley and Devin Singletary?
Or Sam Darnold throwing six more touchdowns than interceptions?
Or Lamar Jackson throwing, to himself?
Or Jared Goff throwing for 78 yards two weeks after throwing for 517 (both losses)?
Or Ryan Tannehill completing 70-percent of his passes with a quarterback/interception of better than 3-to-1? Ryan Tannehill?
Or Derek Carr throwing to Nelson Agholor? Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha.
Or Aaron Rodgers throwing to anyone at any time from any place on the field?
Or Drew Lock throwing for a passing rating of 48.2 yet going 4-1?
Or Tyrod Taylor hoping the Chargers pass on quarterback in the draft?
Or the Redskins passing on a quarterback because, well, they’re the Redskins?
Or a healthy Teddy Bridgewater getting his much-deserved chance to be a starter and having a weapon as versatile and potent as Christian McCaffrey?
Or Kirk Cousins posting his sixth straight season of 3,600 yards or more without getting to an NFC Championship game?
Or 23-year-old Joe Burrow throwing to 32-year-old A.J. Green?
Or Russell Wilson throwing to Tyler Locket, DK Metcalf and Greg Olsen?
Or Jimmy Garoppolo throwing for 165 yards one week and 349 the next?
Or Daniel Jones throwing from an upright position?
Or the warrior known as Matthew Stafford throwing to Marvin Jones, Kenny Golladay, Danny Amendola and T.J. Hockenson.
Or Ryan Fitzpatrick playing catch with Tua Tagovailoa?
Or the Pittsburgh Steelers throwing a Hail Mary in the 2nd round of the draft?
Or Carson Wentz throwing to Zach Ertz or Dallas Goedert, or to Dallas Goedert or Zach Ertz?
Or Baker Mayfield throwing 21 interceptions and dropping 42 verbal farts?
Or Gardner Minshew II throwing to, uh, how ‘bout that draft?
Or Patrick Mahomes throwing to Tyreke Hill, Sammy Watkins, Mercole Hardman, Travis Kelce and Damien Williams? Wait. Didn’t we write that already?
O.K. how about this?
Training camp to open this summer giving all of us sports-starved fans hope of watching the NFL in the fall. Amen.